To The Prospective Publishers

After getting rejected by the publishing industry for many reasons including readability ease and the presence of excessive or absence of any kind of passive voice, during the past 4 years, I reworked on my script a lot. I also eliminated any verbosity in the process of trimming the manuscript.

Have a look at this screenshot of the readability statistics:

What do you think?

Do you want to read the whole manuscript or are you so afraid of publishing a story criticizing the outdated and improperly framed caste-based reservation system?

If so, you may buy it from Amazon.

After your creed outrightly rejected it, I published it without emotionally blackmailing your kind to publish it for the sake of a physically challenged author.

In these times of various nation-burning caste-based reservation crises, my novel criticizes the largely caste-based reservation system that Baba Saheb wanted only as a temporary measure. The doctor of Indian society prescribed a relook into the Right-To-Equality-infringing Caste-based reservation system after every 10 to 20 years. The so-called Indian National politicos made it permanent for securing their vote banks. You-know-who did that.

Doctor BR Ambedkar wanted the caste-based reservation system to go as he hoped that soon the disparities in the social architecture of India will be abridged. He intended to maintain the Right To Equality based on birth in a particular stratum of the Indian society.

My novel talks about a what-if situation involving an imaginary but much possible and nightmarish extremist organization that wages a war against the state due to the caste-based reservation system.

This was the 1st Cover Design

This was the 2nd Cover Design

Pursuing my PhD in Animal Biotechnology at the pioneer dairying institute, National Dairy Research Institute, I am the author of an e-published thriller/romance novel titled "7 Seconds: A Typical Guy, Atypical Life" on Amazon.

However, when I wrote the first draft of my novel ~ approximately 42,000 words, I kept my expectations high. I was fresh out of a life-threatening condition induced by a serious road accident. I faced disappointment when the traditional publishers rejected my proposal. I wrote on a real subject. I don't think that they will ever be daring to lose rapporteur among their communist clout.

I wrote about how the Indian youth is disoriented in these competitive times, how we need to replace/supplement the petroleum fuels with options like biodiesel to avoid fuel outage in near future, and how the largely caste-based reservation system can bring unimaginable numbers of crises for India. No traditional publisher was interested (daring enough) to publish it despite my novel's near-perfect readability statistics for the complete manuscript of its story.

Nevertheless, I self-published it on Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing platform. Now it's also a hard-copy that I self-published.

The above picture is its first cover page that I designed through KDP's cover designing tool for the Kindle eBook version.

This was the second cover page idea for the eBook, which I again designed through KDP.

This was the third cover idea I designed through KDP.

This is the first cover idea that I designed for the hard copy.

I even got this published as a hard-copy. However, my friends and readers said that this cover is unsuitable.

Therefore, I recently used Adobe Photoshop for redesigning the cover in a way that explains the story.

Now I have attached my book's 3rd cover idea that I came up with on the last Saturday of November. I have finally succeeded to lay my hands on it.

This new book cover conveys it all what the novel is about.

1. The six girls in front of the central protagonist are his consecutive love interests during his lifetime.
2. The one at the bottom is the assassin that kills him to exact revenge as a vendetta for foiling their hijack attempt on a Lufthansa flight to Hamburg.
3. An outline of the Airbus A380 that a fictional (for now and hopefully forever) Shüđđh Räkŧ tries to hijack is located at the top. It is a special flight in the story that ferries the participants of an International Biodiesel Convention to Hamburg.
4. The long road signifies moving on with changing times as after meeting with a life-threatening coma-inducing road accident, the protagonist, Akshant Kautilya, improves his life so much that later he innovates a new method to easily produce biodiesel from its raw materials.
5. In the intermediate stage of the novel, after a life-threatening road accident, Akshant fixes his professional and personal life. So the road is justified.

Back in 2010, when I was at home, recovering from major brain damage that I sustained due to a serious life-threatening road accident, I used to read the Bhagwad Geeta, the Hanuman Chalisa and the Ramayan while I was having the toughest time. I then wrote a novel inspired by my own story after I was through with all that worst time possible.
Initially, my condition was worse than being dead after a life-threatening road accident.
I withstood a comatose state of 23 days, during which I only made my loved ones cry for my state and worry for my survival. The root of my throat had a tracheotomy done for helping me breathe artificially, I was fed liquid food and medicines through the food peg installed directly on my tummy by minor surgery. I came out of the hospital barely alive after 42 days. My state was very much like a case of vegetative state - alive but barely there. I had no sense of pain or whatsoever.
It was nothing like the movies, no. I was worse than being dead. I had even lost my voice temporarily.
Then thanks to hellishly painful physiotherapy, I felt alive again. Daily physiotherapy brought me back to life. Only my soul knows what tough times I faced. I lost my first college friends. I was alone at home since both my parents' leaves from their respective Government jobs got depleted.
I used to bang my head against the walls in frustration (however I didn't get hurt due to it) from my loneliness and depression from the accident.

My father helped me get a Bhagwad Gita from the Gita Press of Kurukshetra. Reading it helped me come to terms with my state after the road accident.

[I recently also obtained two copies (both a Hindi copy and an English copy) of the "Shrimadbhagwad Geeta As it is" published by ISKCON under the aegis of AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada both in English & Hindi.]

Now I heard my mother's advice, paid heed to it and started chronicling my life.
I then converted all of it into a fantasy.

This is the sole copy of my own novel that I received on 17th November. It has an older sample cover.

The story starts with the protagonist's death in a retaliatory terrorist attack for defeating their hijack attempt and then his former half-girlfriend (started I writing it in 2010) narrates his story from the emails that he had sent her. It is about how a young man goes through a tumultuous romantic life, which sees him:

1. Growing up in loneliness as the only son in a nuclear family living at the Government residential campus of the Mathura Oil Refinery;
2. Proposing the first two girls during the end of his schooltime and getting rejected;
3. Proposing the best friend of his first crush, who already likes him because of his composing an original song for proposing his first crush;
4. She asks him to compose another song for her and he complies;
5. She teaches him how to kiss a girl;
6. Both get different colleges after their +2 and are separated;
7. They snog at various cinema halls;
8. Breaking up with his first girlfriend (the third girl he proposes) despite all the romantic poems and original romantic songs, dates and gifts only to find peace at his college's social service group's Dream program that takes care of underprivileged kids' education;
9. Here, at the Dream Project, he falls in love with its working secretary
10. Making out with his second girlfriend, who is actually his first and only half-girlfriend, in Jaipur; (I wrote this story before Half-Girlfriend came out and I had committed the mistake of sending my book's manuscript to an acclaimed author but leave it – my story is a lot better with numerous smartly woven plots and subplots, so no hard feelings)
11. Getting bullied by seniors from Mechanical Engineering due to his closeness with his half-girlfriend, who refuses to make their relationship public because the protagonist's grades are nowhere near hers;
12. Ditching this second girl because she is double-minded about him and then him coming into another immature relationship with a third girl;
13. Finding out that this third girl in his life is cheating on him and double-crossing him — essentially using him as a pipeline boyfriend;
14. Coming into a full-time relationship back with the second girl in his life and even visiting Agra this time but forgetting about her after meeting with a life-threatening coma-inducing road accident, barely escaping imminent death at SGRH, Delhi;
15. Coming into a relationship with the last girl in his life, he completes his college life, is informed about getting his first job as a computer engineer, while in Kodaikanal on the first date with this last girl that he loves;
16. Meets the family of this last girlfriend with his parents, their marriage is fixed subject to the condition that he will shift to a Government job;
17. Gets the job at Mathura Oil Refinery and is going to Hamburg for attending an international convention on biodiesel, where he plans to present his idea about biodiesel when terrorists belonging to the revolutionary anti-caste-based reservation organization, Shüđđh Räkŧ hijack the Lufthansa Flight 7, here he teams up with a co-passenger to defeat the terrorists and gets wounded by a bullet grazing his knee - still helps revive the fighting partner;
18. Back home, gets the news of his wife's pregnancy on his birthday but he is targeted by the girlfriend of the eliminated leader of Shüđđh Räkŧ terrorist group in vendetta for foiling their hijack attempt.

Also, the protagonist is an independent musician in himself, who composes original songs for proposing his different girls.

The best thing to do was to write it and hasten my recovery. Writing it helped me get better quicker than the neurosurgeon had speculated.

Another hobby of mine, which is writing poems took flight and soared high only after I met with the accident. My broken heart penned many, many unforgettable poems. The most loved, read and admired poem of mine is Angel? by Äŧül - Hello Poetry and is a November 2012 poem that I wrote to help myself improve my memory after the brain injuries from the serious road accident devastated my memory. It is a much-loved poem by poets and readers around the world. Today, it is the 10th year continuing on since the May 7, 2010 accident, I still face problems in my career due to the anterograde (short-term) amnesia (memory loss). "Angel?" is now a part of The 'Angel?' Saga that is an extension of the same poem. This poetic saga is an analogy of my personal life. Anyway, you should be a brave team to bring out my novel as an affordable hard-copy version for India.

It's also noteworthy that I have 1820+ original poems to my name till 31 December 2019.

Also attached is the sales report for my novel's eBook format and a chapter-wise analysis of the entire novel.

I hope that you like what you read and ask me for the complete manuscript or some of its 54 story chapters.

Chapter 41: Abstinence & Lies

-Chapter Forty One-

Abstinence & Lies

(Akshant Narrates)

I had committed the divine sin for the first time with Anamika in Kodaikanal. Then it was at Agra and other places too with Anamika being the sole partner. I was completely pure till then from my heart. But my destiny had written something else for me.

All four of us had their dinner together that night. Gurleen was grateful to me for saving Nitin’s life. But she couldn’t find any good way of thanking me. An evil idea came to her mind. She knew Nitin would sleep after the supper that night because his medicines for healing the wounds would be inducing sleep. She wrongly thought that she could only thank me enough by committing the evil sin with me, by seducing me to have sex with her. That was selfish and mean at her part to think so, because I didn’t love her any longer and I was faithful to my fiancée. As we started dining, Gurleen intentionally sat opposite I on the dining table in the restaurant.

She wore a body-hugging shoulder-jacket on an apparently shoulder-less red top, mini skirt and sandals and was looking very voluptuous that warm July evening. She was giving me the looks which I noticed but ignored them thinking it to be my own imagination. Then she did the most unexpected thing to me, she removed her sandals and then she raised her right foot to touch my groin area. I was caught off-guard by this incursion into my privacy and winced upon Gurleen’s leg reaching my groin from the opposite side under the table. Gurleen retracted her leg and I too tried to parlay any suspicions from the other two by saying that the food was too hot for being German. Anamika said, “Sometimes this can happen even here in Germany, dear.”

I developed on the unintended lead provided by Anamika and said, “Yeah, I dunno why these hot chillies are imported when they are not grown here in Germany… Only if I had the power, I would’ve genetically modified chillies to taste like chocolates, my favourite food article.” I then stared at Gurleen who just smiled like Nitin and she acted as though nothing had happened between her and I.

Anamika suggested that I should drink some water and served me some water herself. I observed Gurleen who had not raised her neck all this while, was showing her face and winked her right eye at me while smiling devilishly for the shortest time period. She was sitting to the right-hand side of Nitin and as Anamika was busy in dining so neither of the other two observed this action of Gurleen.

I then simply continued eating my dinner silently. Gurleen who had been encouraged by my words again started doing the same thing after Anamika got busy in dining again. This time she was stopped indirectly by Nitin who was busy all this while thinking about the news report he had to prepare from an economic angle and decided to ask me for the graph from my presentation comparing fuel economy in case of neat diesel along with the same in case of biodiesel. He said now facing me, “-uh- Akshant, can I ask for a favour from you please?”

“Yeah, tell me, I’ll see if I can help you?” I said.

“Akshant, I need that graph comparing fuel economies given by biodiesel engine and neat diesel engine for my Economic Times article covering the Deutsch Biodiesel summit. And also the major problems faced by biodiesel industry. Can you please mail a copy to me?” requested Nitin.

After giving it a bit of thought, I agreed to mail just that one graph to him because I had committed many other graphs which compared both diesel and biodiesel to Anamika who would be publishing the same graph along with the others in her regular science column in ‘The Hindu’. I also told me that I wanted my name to be mentioned clearly under the graph on the page in the newspaper. Nitin readily agreed to the condition put by me thinking it wasn’t a big price at all for such a significant graph comparing the fuel consumptions of both the conventional diesel engine and the new unconventional biodiesel engine using the newer biodiesel.

Nitin exchanged contact details with me and the email id on which I would mail me the fuel-economy graph. By now our dinner was complete and we were all walking back to our rooms with Anamika and Gurleen supporting us. They were chatting on the way back. The noise of a washing machine was filling the background.

Gurleen asked Anamika, “Would you be sleeping now? Coz I’m not sleepy at all and as Nitin’s going to sleep after taking his medicines, it’s gonna be boring for me. Can we chat for a few minutes, Anamika?”

“No, I am too sleepy. Akshant takes the medicine and doesn’t sleep even though these medicines are known to induce sleep even in the toughest of soldiers. I dunno from where he brings this much stamina to stay awake even after such a tiring day… He has been so ever after the accident in May 2010. Though, he’d yawn all day long after staying up all that time in the night. Actually, he dreads the nightmarish dreams – he’s still a kid – while sleeping and I won’t make me sleep today if he doesn’t want to. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind me spending time with you, coz I really trust him, dunno about your guy allowing you but I myself am gonna ask I to spend some time with you so that you two can catch up with what both of you lost in time. I’ll ask your man if he has any objections.” Anamika said a lot of words and ended it with a smile that I thought distantly hinted disagreement.

Then suddenly Anamika called out to Nitin, “Nitin I wanna suggest you something please,” Nitin, who was moving along me, was also startled by her voice just like me.

Nitin turned, “Yes Anamikaji, tell me, your words are all welcome.” He said courteously.

“Uh – Nitin, you won’t mind if Gurleen spends some of her time in my room with me and I? The two of them can have a catch-up if they feel like coz she’s not feeling too sleepy either and doesn’t want to disturb you while you would be sleeping peacefully under the medicines’ effect but Akki himself would not be sleeping I think and she says you might oppose to her spending some time in my room.” replied Anamika.

I heard that first and was going to say no but Nitin’s words cut my sentence too short to be understood by anybody, Amit said faking a slightly aggressive manner, “Why are you defaming me Gurleen darling? Have I ever stopped you from talking to any man or woman? – no Anamika, I don’t have any problem, the choice is hers.” replied Nitin smilingly.

“See Gurleen, didn’t I tell you that he’d agree to let you spend some time in my room; after all, he loves you!” said Anamika in an excited voice.

Gurleen managed to fake a forced smile and just said, “Yeah…” with that smile.

I interjected unexpectedly, “Hullo? Am I not going to be asked about what do I think…? Well – I’ll tell it myself then; if my Ana has made a new friend and the new friend’s fiancée too doesn’t seem to mind it, why would I be putting an objection to it?” and I smiled too.

“Okay dude, I’ll go now, will have my medicines and go to sleep. Is there anything that you wanna say?” said Nitin.

“No Nitin, I don’t have anything much to say other than that I wish you a good night and wish that ‘you’ get sweet dreams, we’ve had a tiring time ever since that incident in the flight and I wish that you may not get any nightmares about the cause of this injury. Sleep well,” and as I said that, I was wincing with every other step.

“Yeah, thanks I and I wish the same for you – and ah! Gurleen – here have this spare key of the room coz I might’ve slept when you come back – and I won’t want to get disturbed then.” said Nitin.

Then Gurleen followed me and Anamika up to our room after leaving Nitin at their room on the ground floor.

As I sensed something wrong was going to happen, I didn’t say a word. Anamika guided me by the hand with Gurleen at my tail to our hotel room. Though she herself didn’t mind Gurleen, she did mind my ex-girlfriend but she did feel bit of insecurity which was but natural and was evident from the way she was behaving with me, pulling as close as possible for the last twenty minutes. I said to Gurleen as we walked down the stairs, “I’ve got to say something private to Ana, would you mind giving us a bit of privacy please?”

Gurleen stepped five stairs down. Then I said to Anamika in a really low lovely voice, “Ana! Come on baby! Be possessive – I love it – but don’t be insecure. I am yours only, whose else am I – that Gurleen is here because you yourself called her as she would get ‘bored’ sitting awake in her own room with Nitin? Don’t be afraid, afraid to lose control. Anamika – you are holding my hand too tight – shall I ask her to go back to her own room?”

“No, you needn’t do that. I am sorry that I was getting falsely insecure.” said Anamika.

Then the three of us moved separately and though limping, I was not being supported by Anamika, she just let me hold onto her soft hand. We reached my and Anamika’s room on first floor. Here, Gurleen asked for the keys and insisted on opening the door. I had the medicines and all three of us chatted for an hour or so before Anamika said that she was feeling sleepy and that the two of us could chat outside the room if we were not finished with their catch-up.

When Gurleen said that she would like to take a stroll outside in the lawn with me talking about what we had missed out about each other’s lives, Anamika insisted that I should go with Gurleen, I reluctantly said, “Okay, if you say so, Ana.”

Then after me & Gurleen were outside and had reached a place more than normal human hearing could reach, the first thing that I said to Gurleen in a slightly rough tone was, “Now you are going to tell me why you were touching me at all the wrong places with your foot when we were dinning.”

“Okay, I won’t beat around the bush. The only thing that I think bothered you is that I used my foot. I think you want me to use my hand and my mouth.” said Gurleen coming closer to my face and her hand going down to my pants on which I was infuriated seeing which Gurleen came closer and tried to kiss me.

I pulled my face backwards and pushed Gurleen away saying, “You need to see a doc, coz I can certify that you are mentally unstable – you’re behaving like a mad woman!”

And as Gurleen heard this, she started unbuttoning her jacket and threw it onto my face in a threatening way saying, “Do you know why I ditched you, because I wanted someone who could satisfy my hunger and quench my thirst when you were injured and could not even meet me – oh shit! What I have done!” Gurleen then got rid of her sweater.

I instantly said, “What are you doing, please wear your clothes back again!”

“I am sorry Akshant… Punish me! Be hard with me, push me hard, do something which we missed out on when we were together. I touched you at wrong places, then you too should touch me at all the right places, may be that way I’ll learn some morals. Press me! Feel me!! Finish me!!!” and then she removed her t-shirt with a tug to eventually remove it and ultimately bare her upper body which was without any underwear and her hands proceeded to her pants, I lost my mind temporarily that the words, “I never knew you were so beautiful,” just slipped out of my mouth. Then realizing my mistake I immediately turned my back on her saying with my face towards the hedge saying, “Stop it. I am not going to see it any further. You are mad! You are evil, pure evil! Since when did you become like this? I am going!”

Now Gurleen put both her arms on my shoulders from my back and as I turned, I looked into the eyes of the tigress and then I gave up, hypnotized by the eyes, still knowing that I could escape the tigress. The tigress then attacked the prey on its neck softly; prancing upon it and making it fall down on to the ground. I felt myself fall in the hedge with the tigress in a position right near my neck. I felt the lips on my lips, the tongue of the tigress making its way into my mouth as smartly as a female serpent and then I lost myself in the oblivion for few seconds thereafter. Gurleen then took hold of my left hand and pulled it to her bosom.

On contact with her skin, I opened my closed eyes and pushed her aside immediately. I decided that I must practice abstinence and refrain himself from proceeding in the wrong direction. I just pushed her aside, rose up from the ground, stood up and started to go away swiftly without even caring to look behind. Gurleen must have felt rejected. She tried to stop me but I was too strong for her now, and had regained my full body control.

“Please stop, Akshant! Don’t leave me in this situation. I want you!” said Gurleen in a pathetic tone like a kid demanding a toy, close to tears now.

I didn’t turn on this, I kept going and instead I said to the wind intending Gurleen to listen to it, “I would better be sending your Mr. Dhaliwal to satisfy you!”

Gurleen heard this and started apologizing immediately. She rose gathered her clothes roughly to veil all the private parts of her luscious body, then she caught up with me few meters away and then fell down to my feet holding it firmly and said, “Please don’t tell him, please. I was just lost. I was not serious at all. Please don’t tell him. I don’t want to lose him. Akshant I beg of you!”

I stopped, shook released my leg to turn around and say with force in a whisper, “Stop pretending you cheapster! Did you really think I would go and talk to that man? No, I wouldn’t, that man is not eligible for my words. But our meeting is over. Don’t dare to dog me or follow me or talk to me ever again. Good bye!”

Even though she moaned my name thrice, I moved on and on till I reached back to my room floor. There I reached the washroom, as I readjusted myself in the clothes; I smelled my jacket and shirt. I was alerted by the smell of Gurleen’s ladies perfume from the shirt. I quickly climbed down the stairs to the ground floor and went to the hotel gift shop.

As lucky as I could be, there was a deodorant section there in that shop which was open in the night and I bought a men’s deodorant and sprayed it all over myself then I didn’t discard it, but I brought it to my room instead planning it to be my libido in case Anamika inquired about the smell. I also bought a big diary with hearts printed on the cover which was also available in the gift shop, intending to gift it to Anamika. She did have a habit of writing long and short poems, Haikus – a Japanese format for short poems.

And when I reached to my room back, Anamika did ask about the scent, “You took some twenty minutes, you must sleep and what’s this – a gift? How sweet! I always wanted a diary – wait a minute. Hey, what’s this peculiar smell coming from your clothes, as though you sprayed ladies’ perfume too prior to testing a men’s deodorant?”

“Oh that! I did spray a ladies’ perfume prior to testing this men’s deodorant.” I tried to lie.

“And why is that?” Anamika started interrogating me as if we had gotten married long ago already with suspecting narrowed eyebrows.

“I – I wanted to buy one for you. But I bought this large diary for you instead.” I said lamely.

“The diary is nice – I can use it to write my occasional poems and as my virtual friend during your official trips which are always imminent in the coming years but I never imagined you to be so dumb Akshant – you tested a ladies’ perfume on your own body! Really I can hardly believe it, but still, I believe you. And thank god you didn’t buy the perfume, because I do not like this smell at all – and my dear Akshant, you don’t have to stick to the purely conventional Indian ways here in Germany – you don’t have to spray a ‘ladies’ deodorant all over yourself just about to any land you go.” said Anamika dismissively and I breathed silently in relief.

“Yeah, I thought so too that you won’t like the smell. And I did no more than leaving Gurleen to her floor after the small chat of five minutes we had just because you wanted.” I told a lie, building on my false story with the unintended hint given by Anamika.

“Okay, I see – now just take your medicine and please sleep – we have to go back to India tomorrow morning!” said Anamika in a hurry.

I then obediently took the medicine like a little kid and then they both went to sleep that night. This way with several well-rehearsed lies I did manage to avert any more suspicions from Anamika. That period of 15 minutes was going to remain a secret from Amit as well as Anamika for a long time.

We woke up early next morning and got ready for catching the flight back to New Delhi where I and Nitin were welcomed in the evening by a 20 member committee of the National Security Guards from the nearby Delhi centre who suggested that both Nitin & I should avail the security provided by the Government of India. Many people told both of us to at least avail the critical witness protection provided by the government after all what we had been through.

But I politely rejected the offer and said that no one would require extra security if the Indian Army rout out Shuddha Rakht in its operations, and similarly Nitin said that he would rather be safer in the security of the capital and this way, he too politely rejected the offer of security by the government.

Anamika told me in an undertone, “You are full of attitude, but I love your attitude!”

“Let’s take this debatable topic to home,” I said with finality.

Then both me and Nitin were received outside the airport with garlands by a fifty-men strong company of the Delhi Police and a local legislative assembly member who was there probably because he knew that the thirsty shutterbugs would love to snap him ‘receiving’ the heroes with the garlands.

“Mr. Akshant & Mr. Nitin your bravery is well recognized by the authorities and it was really worthwhile how you both prevented a mishap. The government wishes to provide ample security to both of you,” the superintendent of National Security Guards said.

“No sir, thank you very much but it’s more required for by our farmers, the housemaids and other people from lower strata being aimed by the terrorists. I refuse to have any dedicated gunman for my personal security,” was my reply and it invited few more claps.

“I agree with Akshant in this matter,” said Nitin admiringly looking at me. He further said, “Otherwise too, I have the security of NCR with me. The government should focus on uprooting this malignant trouble.”

All this while Gurleen remained silent and no mention of the incident from the other night was done by any one of them to anybody.

All of us then left for their respective homes in Mathura Refinery Township and Delhi where Gurleen and Amit had bought themselves a flat in a condominium at a popular posh locality of South Delhi after selling Amit’s parental house in old Delhi after his parents’ untimely death in a car crash.

The Prologue

Prologue

25  December  2017

The  cool  breeze,  which  blew  from  the  Yamuna,  was  gathering  heat  from  a  pyre  which  was  lighting  up  the  evening  atmosphere.  I  was  reminded  of  him.  He  was  a  nice,  brave  &  helpful  man,  a  handsome,  crystal-hearted,  decent  &  romantic  guy  to  me  and  a  near-perfect  son  for  his  family.

This  was  quite  true  as  he  was  the  only  son  of  his  parents  and  had  only  a  few  friends  who  all  had  such  an  opinion  about  Akshant  Kautilya  and  that  he  had  got  to  be  with  at  movies,  malls,  his  favorite  bunks,  various  libraries,  classes  and  various  outside  places  with  them  only.

Akshant  was  his  unique  name.  His  name  meant  nothing  in  particular,  just  an  amalgam  of  both  his  parents'  names  initials  and  first  names  respectively,  Arjun  Kautilya  Sharma  (AKS)  and  Shanti  Sharma.  He  was  born  on  a  stormy,  chilly,  rainy  winter  night  on  the  22nd  of  December,  1990.

Chapter 5: Second Crush

© Atul Kaushal

-Chapter Five-

Second Crush & First Love

(Akshant Narrates)

After I had shifted to this bigger school for +1 & +2, I used to recount that stay at Kendriya Vidyalaya was the best one – the awesomest one – in my own words. And I thought that I had made friends-for-life with the friendly Surya, the funny Rohit, the brainy Mohan and the gorgeous Nakshatra. When I passed class 10 with 88.4% marks, I was supposed to say good-bye to the good old Kendriya Vidyalaya to go to a big school again for XI and beyond. I chose a big school, Sacred Heart Convent School to continue with classes XI and XII, as the school was offering 50% rebate in tuition fees to those students who had succeeded in scoring more than 85% in Xth CBSE final exams.

Like many others, I also dreamed of cracking JEE when I was in XIth. And so I started going to ABC classes, where Mr. Ramesh Bombay taught mathematics with great proficiency. As my mathematics skills were so poor at that time such that no teacher, no amount of money spent could do any good for me. So when the problems’ various solutions started flying over my mind disintegrated into various figures and letters from the board, I started doing the most obvious and convenient activity for an escapist which became a vogue addiction – bunking – on a regular basis. This was my biggest mistake. What I should have done was the opposite.

But I did use to visit the coaching centre daily after the class timings to see the face of the girl named Bharti Singla who just smiled at me every time our gazes met. I mistook that mockery of hers as a green signal and I started gazing at her instead of the white-board in front of me when I attended classes. My bunks continued side by side with dedicated regularity. I proposed this pretty girl in class XI and my proposal was rejected right away by the girl. She didn’t even care enough to reply to my proposal and refuse to my seemingly non-serious proposal. She did the right thing; adolescence is not the age for getting into any such commitments but I refused to accept it. I had showed my parents the dream of their only son getting through into IIT entrance examination, but I remained lost in my fantasies about my idea of love as a choice and a necessary option after forgetting Aniketa.

After getting poor results in +1, I joined the tutorial classes of my school teachers. The bunking saga continued here as well. Though I had an above average IQ of 138 my studies were doomed to be fared badly because I never practiced a thing taught. All of these, my bad habit of bunking & an escapist nature accompanied by a lazy life made me perform poorly in studies. I made a mistake by not telling my parents about the problems I faced the same day I realized it. I was just silently being a non-playing part of the play my life was playing. But the play of solitude in the campus was too much for me and took to computer games, internet surfing and video games at games parlours as an escape through which I wrongly sought to divert my mind from the mess created at home among parents and escape my part of Karma at studies. Though I behaved perfectly normal, I was extremely scared from the inside about my future and about where my life was going to. I was an escapist since that young age and intentionally fell for a previous classmate and female friend of mine named Bhanupriya Chopra, whom I came to talking terms hoping to forge a relationship with my first crush Aniketa through Bhanu. But I fell for Bhanu herself instead. It was probably one of the most wild love stories that you’ve ever heard about, with the girl being almost a year older than the boy and this particular love story was almost like a typical teenaged love story.

When my friends like Ravindra would ask me, “Wassup buddy, what’s special and how good your IIT dream is brewing?” I would be replying, “Better talk about guitars or our buddies dude, I am in no mood to talk about studies?”

So this way I was turning a blind eye to my studies. Results were definitely bound to cold shoulder me. The intelligent student in me had disappeared and not even his shadow persisted in my nature anymore.

It was on my birthday in December 2007 that I received a message on my mobile number greeting me a happy birthday apart from ‘I love you’ but the person never revealed their identity as the number didn’t receive any phone calls from my mobile. I tried using my sources for getting to know whom that number belonged to but nobody among my friends was of any awareness about the number. In the meanwhile, the Aniketa episode was coming to an end as well and I got busy with my half-hearted efforts at studies. I used to compose poems & songs for some people or about some national issues which I myself or as I thought the nation faced. I would often get my heads together with Madhav Singh Gumra. I used to practice music with him as he was my closest friend from Sacred Heart Convent School and shared my thoughts and hobbies. We put all our thoughts in a song that could express their and the general teenager’s feelings about a world where any thoughts that came as off the league or different from everybody else are discouraged.

We both were of the opinion that the person who questioned the system was made to submit no matter how hard they tried to resist the methodology of it. I could only give vent to my and many of the students’ feelings by singing them in an aggressive song which I had composed as I felt that I had done wrong to myself by choosing non-medical stream when I believed that I could’ve done much better in arts stream choosing music for a later time in my life. Many of our school & Facebook^TM friends and my YouTube followers connected the short hard rock song which had strong distorted guitar riffs and lyrics very meaningful to their own lives. The song lyrics could be described as a call of some prisoners suffering in captivity for help. But an even better description would be presented in the lyrics themselves which are mentioned below.

Hum hain band yahaan Hum hain band yahaan, is jahaan mein! Hum hain band yahaan, is jahaan mein!! Laakhon hain gham yahaan, is jahaan mein! Laakhon hain gham yahaan, is jahaan mein!! Murda laash sa chala yahaan pe, {Gada zameen mein hoon!}-2 Kheencho mujhe koi haath pakad ke, {Dum ghute mera!!}-2 Hum hain band yahaan, is jahaan mein! Hum hain band yahaan, is jahaan mein!! Khwaab hain gum yahaan, is jahaan mein! Khwaab hain gum yahaan, is jahaan mein!!

In its first few lines, the song means, ‘We are trapped in here, in this world!’

I tried to convey it best how the younger generation felt limited in the education system.

Music was how I used to escape everyday tension. It was how I and Madhav used to divert our attention from our duties most of the times in our lives – be it our problems related to education or be them other problems of our lives as we thought.

Bhanu listened to the song on the internet and told me on call, “Akki, you can consider me your best friend and soul-mate. As a non-medical student myself I can exactly understand your heart-felt frustration. You have something, and you just need your luck to shine. I think you should study harder, you have it in you to do it.”

“Bhanu, there’s not any point in studying what my parents would like me to. But Shanti, now that I’ve started it, I’ll complete it – I can’t let my choice be proven faulty – I had my options open after 10^th standard but I chose non-medical sciences stream.” I spoke the complete truth.

Bhanu said in her sweet voice, “You addressed me as Shanti. It’s your mother’s name.”

I replied, “Yes Bhanu, I’ll call you by the same name because it’s actually you who brings genuine peace to my life.”

“Really, is it so?” asked Bhanu.

“You won’t mind – would you?” I asked with only a tinge of nervousness.

“No, no, no – not at all! It’s my pleasure if you think so and actually feel so.” said Bhanu.

Just then I blurted it out as it came to my mouth – from my heart, “I wish that I get to marry somebody like you – someone who I can look up to whenever I wish to listen to a calm voice and get relieved from these worldly worries and someone who can make me smile even when I’m so tensed up.”

“Do you realize what you just said – do you really mean it?” asked Bhanu.

I then rolled back my memory tape till just a few seconds ago and again went through all of whatever I had said a few seconds ago and I could just manage to say, “Oops! I’m sorry Bhanu, I really wanted to say that but not like this.”

Bhanu said, “You composed a song for proposing Aniketa, compose one for me as well.”

“But I have only been able to sing the same only in front of you already, won’t that do?”

“No you’ll have to write a new song for me and it’ll be only after it that I’ll formally say yes, so tell me when you’re done composing the song for me.” Bhanu finished.

“Okay Shanti – I’ll compose this romantic proposal song for you this time, it’ll be totally unlike the song I composed for Aniketa, you’ll like it and I can guarantee that if you liked my first song then you’re definitely going to love it.” I said confidently.

I then started composing a short song which I thought would help Bhanu get rid of any type of doubts about her & myself. I gave it a really jolly tune with lyrics depicting all my hopes from the relation – quality time, strength and longevity.

I had never thought that life could exist beyond Bhanupriya and felt the love for her very strongly. So now I composed another song ‘Zindagi bula rahi hai’ (Life is inviting) for the purpose of ‘formally’ proposing Bhanu. I met Bhanu after attending the crash course coaching class one day in April, 2008 and proposed her with this song at the local milk parlour. Her apprehensions about the relationship with me being affected any bit by the previous relationship she was in were all ironed out after I had proposed her formally with this song.

I personally love those lyrics and have described them on the next page. You might think of me to be overconfident, Satyaa, but with this very song I discovered a poet, a musician and a true lover of humanity inside me. I could tell that if I had been able to compose one song, I will be able to compose some more songs along with the passage of time.

The lyrics to the short song after listening to which at the nearby milk parlour Bhanu just hugged me tight & lovingly kissed my hand.

Zindagi bula rahi hai Zindagi bula rahi hai, (Life is inviting,) Humko tumko bula rahi hai… (It’s inviting me & you…) Zindagi bula rahi hai, (Life is inviting,) Humko tumko bula rahi hai… (It’s inviting me & you…) Aao chalein hum sath-sath, (Come let’s walk together,) Le kar apne haathon mein hath. (Let’s be hand-in-hand.) Zindagi bula rahi hai, (Life is inviting,) Humko tumko bula rahi hai... (It’s inviting me & you…) Vaada hai tumse, (I promise you,) Ladenge har gham se, (We will tackle each sorrow,) Qayamat mein bhi hum, (Even in doom’s event,) Bichhdein na tumse. (I won’t leave you.) <Humming> Mmmhmmhmm mmmhmmhmmhmmhmm </humming> Koi khushi yun ga rahi hai, (Some happiness sings within,) Humko tumko lubha rahi hai… (It tempts me and you…) <Voice fades> Zindagi bula rahi hai... (Life is inviting...) </voice fades>

The song could be classified as an extremely happy love song but also as a cautious proposal composition. It reflected both the positive attitude and the innocence at that tender age displayed by me. I had proposed Bhanupriya Chopra on 15^th of June in the year 2008 – the year of my entrance exams and senior secondary board exams – with this second song which I had again composed by myself.

But Bhanu asked me, “But I have an ex-boyfriend, don’t you have any problem with that?”

“Look. I’m not a gay and I can prove it to you,” I continued the good laugh I just had, “So I obviously don’t get any feelings for a boy who I have not even met ever. He was just a phase which you met with at a younger age than now, I am not concerned with your past, and I just want to be there in your present, your future and all your thoughts…”

I followed the sentence with a heartfelt genuine smile and then I encased her long but weak appearing hands in my short but stout hands that do not match my height before I asked, “Are you willing to make my life beautiful, Bhanu?”

She said yes without waiting for any more words, “You have given me the most romantic proposal today. I do not personally know any more guys that can compose such poems in a musical manner. You need not say anything else. I expected this to be only a formality but it has blown me off my feet. Yes I love you and I want to give you the best love of which you could only imagine.”

And then we forgot about AIEEE exam which was still remaining. Our chats got extended from just one message each hour to more than 50 mutual text messages each day. SMS packs failed to last more than a week. Expenditure was already going uphill.

Then I was taught by Bhanu how to kiss a girl. The first kiss for me was long; so long, very long, it was approximately 40 minutes undisturbed at my home as both my parents were working at their respective offices at that time. Both she and me relished the juiciness of the warm kiss slowly and passionately as we caressed each other’s backs.

Chapter 23: Divine Sin

© Atul Kaushal

-Chapter Twenty Three-

Divine Sin

Akshant presented the flowers to Anamika and said with a smile which automatically came on his face, ”Flowers for the queen of all flowers.”

Anamika blushed and accepted the flowers with a vibrant smile. She had donned the green night gown that she had brought with her. She knew green was Akshant’s favorite color and had so chosen green of all the nightgowns she had. Green color was a great turn on for Akshant.

He presented her the bouquet and stood there at the doorway gazing at her artistic beauty dumbfounded for some time till Anamika hit him twice on his head with her knuckles and said, ”Knock knock! How’s your queen looking?” and it woke Akshant from his dreams which made him see Anamika in a fluorescent green Christian bride’s uniform and himself in a same colored suit as a Christian groom.

He said, ”If only words could define…” now they exchanged marriage vows in his imagination and then they kissed. And then they actually kissed with Anamika taking control of the situation. Akshant tried to pause and compliment her for her night gown which was his favorite color, but Anamika was too busy for that. She continued kissing him hard. So admiring her wild passion for kissing him, Akshant just gave up and he knew that he too had to continue playing the game of tonsil tennis. Then after some time Akshant abruptly stopped and asked her in a low whisper, ”Are you ready?”

Anamika had a hint about what Akshant was asking her, but still she asked him with raised eyebrows but a calm voice, ”For what?”

Akshant was nervous with his words and came out with, ”To commit the divine sin?” Anamika thought for a while then she said, ”Do we really have to?” As if he had read her mind, Akshant replied calmly, ”We won’t if you don’t want to.” But then Anamika thought something for some seconds and said, ”Let’s just do it!”

Akshant was not prepared for it so he first went to the chemist nearby and bought a pack of rubber and then from the confectionary 2 minutes away from the resort, he bought Ferrero Rocher 24 piece box of chocolates for Anamika which were her favorite.

On arriving back to the suite, Akshant smelled the scent in the air and thought that Anamika had scented some area of the room, probably the bedroom; with some pleasant smelling lavender room spray. Then Akshant presented the box of chocolates to Anamika who was all smiles and chocolate turned out to be a turn on for Anamika; then he just lifted Anamika in his affectionate arms with a smile on his face and took her to the bedroom of the suite which had been scented by Anamika and dropped her on the bed.

Then the room number 69 of Kodai Resort hotel was burnt in the fire of love lit by Akshant and Anamika. They made love 3 times in their first night and they gained experience every time they did. After the three rubbers were discarded in the dustbin Akshant said, ”Darling you are my dream come true.” Anamika just smiled and planted a kiss on his lips. They then went into their dream-world in while they slept in each other’s arms with a smile on their faces.

In the morning after he had taken his bath, he dropped Anamika back to her hostel in an auto-rickshaw. As Akshant was again mounting  the auto-rickshaw to reach bus stand to leave for Madurai to catch his flight back to Delhi, Anamika held his elbow and said in a warning tone, ”Dare you marry someone else!” ”Obviously, I’d marry you only. I’d rather die – ” Anamika just put her hand to his mouth before he could complete his sentence and said, ”Shhh!” and kissed him on his cheeks for a last time that day.

Just before going Akshant said, ”Miss you, dear.” To which Anamika replied with the beautiful smile of hers, ”Miss you too, darling.”